"Just a Housewife" | Does Homemaking have value?
If you're a Homemaker, stay at home mom or housewife you’ve probably heard the term “just a housewife.”
Maybe you’ve said it yourself in conversation with your friends when they ask “so where do you work?” and you answer “Oh i’m just a housewife” right as the words leave your mouth you wish you could take them back.
So much hard work and dedication to your family and time spent cultivating your home, summed up in a phrase that makes you feel like what you do every day is insignificant... yeah I've been there.
Modern stigma around Homemakers
When I first decided to become a #homemaker, it wasn't my intended plan. It just kinda happened. But i was drawn to being at home, there was a calling set on my heart. I had images dancing around in my mind of learning to make homemade bread and spending my days decorating, cleaning our home, maybe learning how to garden, and ofcourse starting a family.
I only knew of a couple women who had lived as homemakers. I'm sure you can relate, as there aren't as many homemakers today as there once were. I always admired how their homes were run, the feeling of contentment their homes had, how everyone was well taken care of within them, even strangers.
I thought very fondly about the lives they lead and the way they cared for others. I quickly learned after I made the transition that others didn't look on the role of homemaking as fondly as I did and that it was not a socially acceptable decision.
Family members did not hesitate to say “I am just worried you're wasting your potential'' and of course, the classic "are you ever gonna go back to work.” Those were some of the kinder things said over the years.
The trap of Criticizing
It's easy when you're a homemaker to fall into the trap of criticizing others, when constantly being criticized for your own choices.
When people critique your choice to stay home, you can begin to look at their lives and judge the way they run their home or their family. But its important to recognize the value in different beliefs and lifestyles even if we don't want them for ourselves.
The truth is that working a traditional 9 to 5 is noble for anyone to do, women and men alike, but so is keeping home and taking care of a family.
No matter what society tells us women we can’t do it all. We can't all have perfectly tidy homes and nutritious meals on the table every day after a long hard day of work.
Well maybe some women can but they are few and far between and are in my opinion superhuman.
The hard work of homemakers
In all seriousness though, keeping a home and taking care of a family can be awfully hard work and when you also work outside the home, its no wonder a lot of women feel overwhelmed and often suffer from burnout.
There's a reason for the old saying “a man works from sun to sun but a woman's work is never done”.
According to a news article written by Drew Weisholtz on today.com "Women in the United States spend two hours more each day cleaning, cooking, taking care of children and doing other unpaid work than men, according to a report by Oxfam and the Institute for Women's Policy Research."
That same article from today.com states "Women ages 15-24 spend 54% more time on housework than men the same age and women ages 25-34 spend 51% more time on those chores."
Check out the article yourself, it's an interesting read.
I think many women's experience back up this article. I remember coming home and being
overwhelmed by the endless tasks that still needed to be done, and while my fiance tried to help he often was tired from a hard day as well.
So I felt bitter “here I work all day, and cant even get a helping hand with dinner” I thought to myself. Even though any help he offered was often not up to par, (at least that's what i told myself at the time) and i know many other women have felt this inner conflict.
We desire a helping hand but believe if someone else does it they just wont do it quite right.
Woman often have a whole list of tasks that need done even after a day of hard work, from childcare, to household chores, and getting everyone fed.
Its commonly referred to as "the second shift",first coined by Arlie Hochschild, referring to the household duties that women still have to accomplish after the work day is done.
Is homemaking the best choice for your family?
I realize that there are more than one way relationships can be equal in this regard: all chores are broken up equally and both people work, or one person works and brings home the income while one stays home to make the meals and keep up on the home.
Now of course not all relationships fall into those two categories, but there seems to be clear gap in the amount of unpaid work happening in our homes. As much as our society would like to just blame inequality, i just don't think this is realistic.
We are all unique in our relationships and we all have to find out how to delegate the many responsibilities of life between our partners and ourselves.
Maybe some men can stay home or do household chores and childcare, but many men either aren't good at it or don't want to. In my opinion, i'm a better cook than my husband , i prefer cleaning and he prefers working on cars. Sometimes the stereotypes aren't true, but sometimes they are. I get that nowadays this can be controversial to say.
But i'm just speaking from my own experience. Personally, our relationship has gotten so much better now that the work is done when he gets home and we can both relax and eat a good home cooked meal. We no longer argue about who did what chores that week or who’s job is more difficult. We know what responsibilities are our own.
Do what works for you
All I want anyone to take away from this, is to know that both choices are admirable, two working partners or one partner who works outside the home and one who works within the walls of their home, either way choose what is best for your family. We all have to find what works best for our families to adjust for the many responsibilities this life brings.
So if you are a homemaker and you feel like the work you do is insignificant I can promise you that the work you do matters, it matters to your family and your home.
Your not the only one working hard to figure out the best set-up for your family.
No matter what a woman chooses we should respect them. Because what works for one couple may not work for another & that's okay we were never meant to be photo copies of each other.
Be proud whether you work outside the home or inside, or if you & your partner manage to do both, because you are making your family and therefore the world a little better.
Whatever you have chosen to do, just don't become complacent, take pride in the work you do.
Because what you do matters.
