How to be a happier woman
We all want to be happier people, we want to enjoy life. We often hear cliche advice regarding happiness. We have all heard them a time or two. Things like "keep a gratitude journal." Some cliche's work such as "spend more time in nature" but some have little impact on one's happiness. Some are great in theory but impractical in daily life.
Cliche Advice
The advice that is usually given when it comes to happiness sounds a little something like this
“Move your body”
“You can't pour from an empty cup”
“Self care is key”
While maybe these cliche pieces of advice are rooted in some truth. For instance, being grateful is a way to increase happiness, and self care can improve your mood, they are often impractical and generic "one size fits all" attempts at advice. I don't know about you , but sitting down every day to write in my journal “10 things I'm grateful for” is not helpful and feels super cheesy. It makes me feel like a 3rd grader who's been given a homework assignment.
The practices are impractical and sometimes silly. Like taking a bubble bath when you're stressed. Yeah that sounds great, but who really can stop in the middle of something stressful and take a bath? Most of us can't.
Practical tips
Of Course there are ways we can take the above advice and turn it into something practical, like actually being thankful to someone when they offer their help, saying thank you and truly appreciating their effort, or slowly enjoying a warm cup of coffee in the morning are ways that we can actually be grateful throughout daily life in a practical way.
Taking a shower and making sure to prioritize our hygiene and beauty is another daily practice we can do to make sure we are engaging in self care. There's nothing inherently wrong with the cliche advice we often hear. The problem is when there isn't a practical and honest approach for how to accomplish those things.
I think it's more helpful to be provided with practical daily actions that can be taken regularly to be happier.
It's helpful to focus less on our feelings, and more on taking positive action toward the life we want.
That's what truly builds our confidence, when we can be proud of our efforts in daily life and we know we are behaving and acting in ways that are good for us and those around us.
1) Take responsibility for your own happiness
This is simple, but maybe not so easy. Many of us are in the habit of blaming our circumstances on other people. But the truth is we are the only ones who can take action to improve our lives. It's not someone else's fault if we choose not to.
Maybe you're reading this because you are in a rut or going through something difficult. I may not know the answer as to what would make your circumstance better, but I bet you have some idea.
What could you do today to improve your situation? Do the thing. Whatever it is, pick one positive action you can take right now and do it! Maybe it's to apologize to someone, or to turn off the news, or maybe even to get up and take a shower.
Remember you are capable of taking positive action to better your life.
2) Stop complaining
Complaining is the opposite of gratitude. We can all find something negative to complain about. Sometimes we might even tell ourselves we are venting, and getting out our feelings, which is not always bad. But venting can easily become complaining when we are always managing to find something to “vent” about.
Pay attention to the way you speak about your life and the next time you hear yourself complaining, STOP and instead determine whether that complaint is even true. If it is, can you do something about it?
Here’s an example. Recently our bathroom door hasn't been closing properly. As I was complaining about it, I noticed what I was doing, and decided to stop complaining and instead just fix it myself. No use complaining about something you can easily fix right?
It's funny how our first response is often to complain, even when it comes to things as simple as a door. My first instinct is to get irritated and say aloud “this door is so stupid, i'm sick of it” but instead when these moments arise we can retrain our brain to find a solution or let it go.
3) Stop focusing/dwelling on the negative
Dwelling on the negative things happening in your life can cause negative thinking spirals, where our mind jumps from one bad thing to another. Before you know it you’ve gone from one bad circumstance to ruminating on every bad thing that's happened the past year, or even everything that's happened in the past 5 years.
It can get out of control quickly....
The key is to stop yourself before the negative thought can even get a foothold in your mind. You notice yourself starting to think very negatively about what's happening, or about something that happened in the past. Stop yourself and refocus your attention.
4) Stop engaging with anxious negative thoughts
Maybe you have experienced this before, but whenever worry starts to creep in, and you engage with and focus on that fear or worry, it grows, until it becomes overwhelming. The more we pay attention to anxious or worrisome thoughts, the more our brain sends them to us.
When we engage with anxious thoughts we are unintentionally sending a signal to our brains that the thought is valid and important.
If when anxious thoughts came we instead chose to refuse reaction and refocus our attention. The intensity and frequency of these types of thoughts begin to lessen over time. Our tendency to worry becomes less an we can approach even difficult moments with clarity.
5) Get your home in order
When our homes are in disarray, so are our minds. Decluttering decreases our stress levels. Keeping a clean and tidy home can benefit our mental health, and increase our happiness. Here is a great article by thriveglobal.com that lays out some scientific reasons for this.
I've noticed so many benefits to keeping a clean and orderly home. For the past two years I have been on a bit of a decluttering journey, I've gotten rid of so much over the years and the benefit of reducing how much I own and being very intentional about what I keep has made me feel like I have actually have my sh** together.
6) Focus on positive action and behavior.
It can be hard to push past your feelings, and act in a positive way, but it can be done. I recently did a post on Instagram all about acting the way you want to feel. From my own experience and according to CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy), feelings follow behavior.
If we act in a positive way, we tend to feel more positive. You may notice this in simple ways like when you lack motivation but decide to get up and start on a project anyway, that the motivation tends to follow the action. We become more motivated to keep going once we have gotten started.
We have so much more power over our minds than we realize, our brain is looking to us to know what feelings and thoughts to send during a particular situation. It learns from your behavior and often our current thinking patterns and feelings are a direct result of past programming. If you panic every time you get around large crowds, your brain begins to interpret this as a threat and sends more anxiety whenever you find yourself in that situation.
If you complain and get irritated every time you have to do the laundry, your brain begins to interpret the laundry as a negative event that should be avoided, you may find yourself getting irritated by the idea of laundry before you even have to do it. This is why when you change the action or the behavior, your feelings and thoughts about something begin to change as well. This change takes a certain level of awareness but is well worth it.
7) Learn to move on
One of the biggest obstacles to happiness is dwelling in the past. Many times we try to justify our pain. Maybe someone hurt you, maybe you were treated unfairly , or maybe you've been affected by circumstances that weren't your fault.
I'm gonna be a bit blunt here but the truth is, that every single one of us has experienced this. We’ve all been hurt , we’ve all been treated unfairly. Every happy person you know has struggled with something.
They just choose to get up every day and live for today. To be joyful anyway, to be happy regardless of their past.
One helpful technique is this, when you notice a past memory that bothers you. You can take this approach. Notice the memory, is there a lesson that can still be derived from that experience, something that is helpful to you? If so great, then implement that lesson. If there's nothing that comes to mind, then accept that the memory came up, then move your attention to something else. Instead of dwelling, learn what you can from it and then move on.
8) Enjoy the simple things
It may sound cliche, but happiness is at your fingertips already and it lies in the little moments. The smell of a fresh cup of coffee, A warm cozy bed,the sound of the wind in the trees, or a night spent with friends, all these things can bring you joy if you let them. Embrace these small gifts, and cherish them.
A practical way to engage in enjoying the simple things is to slow down. You can't enjoy the smell of your coffee if you're too distracted to notice. Slow down and be present, this can be hard at first, but the more you do it, the better you get at it.
Very little is needed to live a happy life - unknown
9) Stop focusing on yourself.
This one may be hard to hear, but it's true. Our society has become quite self absorbed, and often consumed with questions like.
“what will make me happy”
“How does this make me feel”
Self obsession rarely leads to self fulfillment and joy.
Focusing on fleeting emotions and trying to make yourself happy often has the opposite of the desired effect. But when we focus on others and our responsibilities we may find it much easier to be joyful. We will always find greater joy when we take good care of our homes, our pets, and children. When we choose to get involved with our community, or develop strong relationships and friendships. The wonderful thing is that all of these things, community, friendship, a well cared for home, all have a major impact on our happiness.
Even better, it's something we can take positive action towards. We can't always control our feelings or our circumstances, but we can always build towards a better life. Which in turn helps us to grow in confidence, and helps us to find lasting fulfillment and joy.
10) Put your faith in God
Know that God is sovereign, that he will direct you and guide you. I know if you're not a christian you may not pay any attention to this one. But just know that the peace you are after, the joy you hope for, and the courage you lack, can all be found in the lord. When we hand over our burdens to the lord, and we trust in him, when we put our faith in him, we are left with unexplainable joy, strength and peace even in the midst of chaos.
What better way to find true happiness than to put your trust in the God of the universe. I pray that all of you will become happier, more content and joyful, whether that's from some of the tips I've shared here, or from another source.
